i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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