Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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