you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
