Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
