The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
