Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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