Say something about gay babies.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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