OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
