I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
