Can i not drive my cunt home
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
