I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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