plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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