This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
