Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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