Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
