Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
