508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You left your phone here
Wait...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
