then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
