He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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