we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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