i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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