My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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