A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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