he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
