i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
