Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
