Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
