yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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