Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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