It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
