3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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