My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
