Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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