A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
