you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Mom said you looked used
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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