I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
