discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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