Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
