Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
