i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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