for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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