I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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