And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
