if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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