Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
