I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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