he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
