Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
