Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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