oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
