I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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