I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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