I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
