I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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