I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
sex in a hospital.. check
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
