i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
