I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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