well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
one might say we're banned from that church
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
