i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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