fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
