Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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