Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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