i wish starbucks made bloody marys
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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