dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
as a side note pls kill me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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