It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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